If you are not already familiar with Thai or other Asian cultures, you will be struck by the many differences in the way Thai people think, behave, and act toward each other and towards you.  You will also soon learn that if you are to be effective during your stay you will need to understand and adopt Thai patterns of behavior and courtesy as well as understand the local customs.  As in any cross-cultural situation, it is best to learn these by carefully observing the people of the locale in which you live.  How they dress, how they sit, what gestures are used (and not used), body language, voice modulation, and volume, etc.  Keep in mind that it is necessary to be a good guest and that by being patient and having an open mind and heart you will soon learn what it is to be Thai.  Below you will find some, but by no means all, information that can help you to prepare for this new culture.

The Thai Royal Family  

Their majesties, the King and Queen, are sacred to the Thai.  In conversation, speak courteously of Their Majesties and The Royal Family.  The King is above comparison, even in a complimentary way, and must never be criticized.  Pictures of the Royal Family must be treated with respect and are usually hung very high.  Avoid stepping on a coin or paper money, as this is disrespectful of the King (whose picture appears on both).  Do not lick postage stamps with a picture of the King on it.  Use the sponge provided at the post office to affix the stamp to your envelope.

Treat the Thai flag with respect as the blue field represents the King.  Whenever you hear the National Anthem or the King’s Anthem being played at a school, at a public office, or at any public gathering you must stand at attention and face the direction of the flag.  At schools and government offices the national anthem is played at 8:00 am with the raising of the flag, and then again at 6:00 pm with the lowering of the flag.  The anthem is also broadcast on television and radio at these times.

Temples         

The temple, or “wat” in Thailand, is sacred to all Thai Buddhists; therefore you should be particularly sensitive to observe the correct behavior when visiting.  All those entering the temple are required to remove their shoes and you should observe the custom of stepping over the threshold, not on it.  You should also use proper decorum and wear proper dress (no shorts, sleeveless tops, or low cut shirts).  Women are not allowed to visit the monks’ living quarters, and women should never, ever touch a monk or even to accept a gift directly from their hands.  Even the brushing lightly of clothing is cause for the monks to go through a lengthy purification ceremony if that happens.

 It is very important not to insult the Thai people by the behavior we exhibit in the temple.  Thailand is a country which is tolerant and accepting of all religious beliefs, so impolite behavior toward, or public criticism of, any religion is considered insensitive and insulting.

Greetings       

When the Thai meet one another the customary greeting is the “wai”, with the hands raised as if in prayer.  Traditionally, the higher the hands are held the more respectful is the wai, so in theory, by observing two people you can tell their respective ranks.  Having said that, rank is a complicated matter in Thailand.  Rank involves such things as age, occupation, and social position.  For the newcomer, it is enough to make the gesture.

Etiquette in Public    

It is common to see two Thai men holding hands as they walk along the street.  This is a sign of simple friendship and nothing more.  However, it is not considered good manners for members of the opposite sex, even husband and wife, to hold hands or to show any public display of affection.  You may notice in Bangkok and Chiang Mai that some young people may display affection, and may even dress in a more revealing way.  This is tolerated but considered impolite.  As adults it is still best to practice proper etiquette.

The Head, the Foot, and the Soul

To the Thai, the head houses one’s soul, so it is the most sacred part of the body.  On the other hand, the feet, which touch the dirty ground, are the lowest part.  The feet must never be in a position above the head, especially the head of another person.

The head of an inferior should never be above that of a superior.  Most people generally try to keep their heads at a lower level than those they regard as superior.  It is inappropriate touch someone’s head, even a child.  The feet should never point at another or be used to touch or move things.  When sitting on the floor, feet are kept as discreetly hidden as possible, tucked away under the body.  When sitting on a chair, the legs are not crossed since this leads to pointing at someone with a foot.  It is a good idea to drop the habit of crossing your legs, as then you will not give offense.

Names            

Surnames are a relatively recent innovation in Thailand and are usually quite long, difficult to pronounce, and even more difficult to remember.  Luckily, surnames are not used here to address someone as they are in the West.  Instead, the Thai custom is to address person by the first name with the title “Kuhn”, which can roughly be considered the equivalent of our Mr., Miss, Ms. And Mrs. (or Khruu, or Acharn, which are used for teachers).  They also have nicknames which are used among friends and are used more often than first names.  Nicknames can be used with khruu, but are more likely to be used with some kinship title, usually denoting the respective ages of the friends.

Relationships

Relationships are very important to the Thai and you will find that belonging to a group and maintaining relationships and friendships with colleagues is necessary and very much a part of the way Thais deal with each other.  Thus, strengthening your relationship with your Thai co-workers will help you go a long way toward achieving harmony and effectiveness in the workplace.  Though in the end you may not be able to participate in all aspects of Thai culture, understanding the dynamics of Thai relationship will help you understand your Thai co-workers’ actions and what makes them tick.

Realize that though Thai social groups and interaction may appear to function in a haphazard way, there is an implicit structure.  Within any group, or in any relationship, there is a hierarchy (or seniority) which must be recognized and respected.  This hierarchy may be based on age, or rank, or both.  The Thai will be quick to ask you your age so that they can determine the nature of their relationship with you, how they should address you, and the amount of respect they need to give you.  Understanding aspects of this structure can help, as it drives much of Thai productivity and efficiency and determines those who lead the action.

A brief word should be mentioned here about “face”.  The idea of saving face or keeping face is very important to Thais, though it is often difficult for non-Asians to understand.  It is good practice not to do anything which could embarrass someone or point out a mistake they may have made.

Often Thai social groups are structured around a middle person who is good at rallying people and who does most of the communication between members of the group about issues and events.  Conflict avoidance is very Thai, so they often use a third party to serve as a go-between for getting a message in situations that have the potential for conflict or embarrassment.  Look for them and get to know them.

Prolonged discussion is typical.  With the relational focus, consensus building is more important as opposed to time conservation and goal-accomplishing.  Gentleness will help you get your message across; if there is tension, usually the hearer will hear the tension rather than the message or else take the message much too strongly.  Note also that Thais tend to communicate in an indirect manner, so it may take careful observation to pick up on their messages.

Thais take an organic approach to life.  Time and productivity are handled like a winding road as opposed to a straight line.  Note that Thais do get things done, only they may not take the same road to the end goal.

Cool-hearted

Thai is a heart-language, not a logic-driven language.  How Thai people look at and think of each other, and non-Thai’s, is often expressed by describing the person’s heart.  The Thai people appreciate a person who is cool-hearted, patient, never angers, never criticizes and never expresses any kind of strong emotion.  Such strong displays of emotion make Thais feel very uncomfortable.  Thais enjoy and respect a person who is polite, generous and respectful.  The Thai people also do not want to do something that might offend another person.

The Heart of the Matter:  “Jai” and other Thai Word-concepts.  In teaching English we stress that language is used for communicating.  In reality, it is more than a tool used for communication and self-expression.  It embodies culture.  Many words connote feelings, ideas, and attitudes that are social and cultural concepts and these concepts have a powerful psychological effect on our own perceptions of others and the way our culture defines how the world and the people in it should be.  The Thai language is full of such words, as is English or other languages, and while Thais don’t often see this because it is their own language and they don’t have to think about it, we as non-Thais do because we are thinking about language and culture all the time.  It is necessary to understand just a few of these word-concepts that will be helpful for you as you prepare yourself for living in a new world.

The word “Jai” means heart.  It is a very important word as its use has many different connotations to the Thai.  How Thai people look at and think of each other, and non-Thai’s, is often expressed by describing that person’s heart.  You will soon come to realize that the Thai constantly think in the terms that will be explained to you and you will start to think in them too.  You will also learn you are being thought of in these terms, so it is important to understand them and adopt the positive values presented.

Thai people value and appreciate a person who is “jai-yen” or cool hearted.  Such a person is patient, never angers, never criticizes, and never expresses any kind of strong emotion, either positive or negative ones.  On the other hand Thai people are very wary of a person who is “jai-rawn” or hot hearted.  Such a person is impatient, angers easily, is critical, and expresses his or her emotions openly and without control.  In building relationships it is important to be “jai-yen.”  Thais also enjoy a person who is “jai-dee” or good hearted.  A “jai-dee” person always smiles, always laughs, and is extremely kind to everyone.  One translation of “jai-dee” is “kind-hearted”.   A person with “nam-jai” or a beautiful heart is very highly respected.  Such a person is polite, generous to a fault, respectful, never crosses the boundaries of another, is religious, and helpful.

A very important concept to Thais and one which Westerners can find difficult to understand is “greng-jai”.  Greng-jai cannot be easily translated and has many connotations.  Its common connotation is “not to bother anyone,” but it has a whole range of other meanings along this same line.  It means accommodating in any way needed in order not to do something they think will hurt or cross the other person at all costs.  Observe when they may be saying yes to a request just to accommodate although it may be very inconvenient for them, or saying things are okay when they are not, if they think it will be of benefit to you.  When confronting, it may be useful to let them know that knowing how they feel about things is valuable for you, and that you will not be offended if they tell you how they really feel.

Another way of trying to understand the concept of greng-jai is by thinking in terms of boundaries between people.  We all have boundaries that can’t be crossed without permission.  These boundaries can be privacy, work, or socially related, but once they are crossed (whether inadvertently or intentionally) we can feel annoyed or bothered.  Thai people like to respect boundaries, and they don’t want to do something that might offend or bother another person.  This is “greng-jai”.

The Top 3 Thai Relationship Strengtheners

ü  Food - Food is key.  Thai people are the informal food connoisseurs, and food is at the center of Thai culture.  Accepting their food is tantamount to accepting them.  Even if the food is strange to you, trying it may be worth the courage it takes because it will help you connect.  Learn to eat Thai food bring your Thai friends food, and socialize over a snack or meal.

ü  Fun - The Thai spirit is a party-spirit.  To put it another way, keep smiling, keep it fun, keep it relaxed.  And always, food is at the center of the party.

ü  Flexibility - Thais are very flexible with time. There is a time-bracket for the appointment.  Although it may be different in a business setting, typically in Thai culture people often show up late, and the appointment itself may go overtime.  The Thai spirit is also one of relaxedness, and time is treated as a flow rather than divided into chunks.  A note on time: Thai people love to spend time together.  A Thai motto is, “Do it together.”  Spending non-appointment time with Thai people is great for developing relationships with them.

The diversity of cross-cultural situations means potential for dynamicity yet also much confusion!  Unlocking their potential requires cultural give and take from both sides: much patience, a willingness to try new things, understand new ways, and to realize that there are different roads to the same destination.  Asking questions can be a good place to start; often Thai people are very willing to explain their culture and they are happy when you take an interest in it. 

Other Helpful Hints

• Joyfully celebrate the Thai tradition of removing your shoes before entering someone’s house (showing respect to the one who has cleaned it.)
• Dress neatly and cleanly (bathing and changing into neatly pressed clothes often) showing your politeness, kindness, and consideration of those with whom you will be working and visiting.
• When you walk in front of someone, or between people who are talking, lower your head or bow down. Better yet, make it a policy to always walk behind the person you need to pass.
• Laughter is a Thai trait but no one will laugh at you for the things you do.  They will laugh with you.  Always respond with laughter and a smile.
• Westerners, both men and women should be very conservative with both eye and physical contact, facial expression, etc. as you may find yourself sending unintended messages.
• Give and receive gifts with the right hand, touching the right elbow with the left hand.  The same is true of making payments or accepting change. 
• When given a gift, it is not proper to open it in front of the giver.  This may be interpreted as greed.
• Be careful about admiring something which belongs to someone else; otherwise, you may find yourself receiving it as a gift.
• Offer cold drinks to all visitors; this is a sign of hospitality and generosity.
• When motioning someone to come, motion with your palm down, never point directly at people.
• Never toss or throw things to another person.  It is considered impolite.